The Fat Man Diaries Day 19 (04/30/10)

Woke up to 303.2 lbs this morning. I'm not stressing it at this point. I'm exercising regularly, and I can feel some changes in my body. I'm still having the appetite problem, and that's why there hasn't been any weight loss today. Yesterday was the first time I had 3 full meals all week. The only problem was that they consisted of frozen pizza and Chinese food. For some reason the junk food doesn't give me any nausea, and I have no problem getting that food down my gullet. I'll mix it up a little today between some good and bad foods and see where I land.

I feel like this blog is getting redundant with my day to day activities. I was tired again when I woke up this morning. I considered staying in bed, but thank God I've made a commitment for at least the next 5 weeks. I was late to class, but it was ok because I was the only in class today. Most people don't like this because they feel like Chris is going to be harder on them. I don't mind it because I feel like Chris can concentrate more on me, and adjust the class to what I need. That's pretty much what he did today too. It was mostly cardio today, so I was breathing like a pervert after class. I swear I lose at least 2 lbs of water during each class. It makes for a very sexy looking, sweaty, fat man.

Like many people, I often doubt myself. Some days are great, and I'm on top of the world. Other days I wonder if I'm wasting my time with this whole challenge. It's those times that I need a reminder as to what I'm working toward. I don't expect to look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney or whoever the latest Hollywood heartthrob is. I do expect to lose weight and get healthy. I expect to stay that way too. It's during those difficult times that we all need the most help; that's when we need some sort of inspiration. Here's a song I hear at the gym a lot, and it does kind of motivate me. Maybe it will help you too: Kanye West - Stronger.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 18 (04/29/10)

302.4 lbs today. It would have been lower if I hadn't stopped by Burger King again last night. It was on purpose again because I still haven't had any hunger pangs. Until I went to BK, I had and apple, a banana, and an orange to sustain me for the whole day. I probably could've made it through the night with that, but I was scared. I jokingly wondered to myself if this was some elaborate ruse by my body to continue eating junk food. After I ate the orange last night, I felt a little nauseous. It wasn't anything major, but it felt like the orange was trying to decide whether it wanted to stay down or come back up. I thought that I was getting sick and that it was finally manifesting itself, but after a while, I felt fine again. It's looking like I'll have a doctor's appointment sometime next week, but I'm still waiting to see what the weekend brings.

My sore tricep and rib muscles are feeling much better. They aren't 100% yet, but they're feeling better than I expected. My hurt hand is better today too; although, it's not 100% either. I wrapped it extra tight today just to be safe, and now I'm wondering if I've been wrapping my hands tight enough this whole time. That might be how I hurt myself in the first place. It's a thin line you have to walk when you wrap your hands for punching. If it's too tight, you'll cut off the circulation, and you could potentially cause damage from that. If it's too loose, you could hurt yourself by not having enough support on your hands and wrists. I think I'll go over this with Chris to make sure I'm doing it right. I've been in class long enough to where I should know what I'm doing by now. Speaking of, I think I finally figured out how to kick correctly. My kicks aren't so high on my shins anymore. They are still on the shin but closer to the ankle. I felt like I was getting good power and keeping my balance today when I kicked the bag. I can feel the soreness near my ankle now, but I'm not bruised. I think I'm actually getting better at this.

Today's inspiration comes from another Rocky movie. I love the Rocky film series, and I can find endless inspiration in those movies. Here's a motivational speech from Rocky Balboa (part 6). Check it out here.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 17 (04/28/10)

It's still hard waking up in the morning; I weighed in at 303.2 lbs. The lack of sleep and weight gain was my fault though. Monday and Tuesday I never really had an appetite, and I was getting concerned about it. I decided to purposely cheat on my diet as a sort of experiment. Now those 2 days I pretty much had to force down breakfast and lunch. The meals weren't bad meals, but they weren't the kind of foods I'd get excited about. I thought I'd try some Burger King since I kind of get excited about their food. I wasn't really hungry last night, but I haven't been hungry for 2 days. I ordered some food and came home and ate it. Everything tasted good, and while I wasn't really hungry, I didn't feel like I had to force anything down. I was happy about that, and I was hoping that my appetite would be back today. It's about 12:30 p.m. and all I've had to eat so far is a Fuji apple. My mom told me I had this problem when I was a kid. I wouldn't eat because I wasn't hungry. The doctor said I was fine and that I would eat when I got hungry. A little piece of me is hoping that's what's going on now. Way back then I was a skinny little kid with a big head, but now I'm a really fat man with a big head. We'll see what happens, and if things don't go back to normal, I'm going to have to visit my doctor.

Today's class was one of those classes that I hate to love (or love to hate -- not sure). We did our usual warm-up, and then we went a few rounds on the punching bags. My right hand has been having some pain for about a week or so, and today it got worse. I think I might have hurt my right wrist when I landed a hook on the punching bag. When my hand is at a normal resting position, it feels fine, but if it's turned to land a hook, i feel the pain on the outer part of my wrist and hand. That's the new pain; the old pain is at the base of my hand near the wrist. It's pretty much the area between the 2nd and 3rd metacarpals. That worries me because many fighters who don't know how to punch often break their metacarpals. I don't want to compare myself to real fighters or even say that I have a particularly hard punch, but the fact of the matter is that I've been punching a hell of a lot more lately than ever. If I see the doctor about my appetite, I'll be sure to ask about my hand too. Here's the love/hate or hate/love part of class. Chris set up a circuit for us to go through after the bag work. I hate this because it's so hard; each exercise becomes more difficult than the last. I love this because it's so hard; each exercise becomes more difficult than the last. As if this wasn't difficult enough, Chris had us do ab exercises after every 2 stations in the circuit. I was gasping for air by the time we finished. As exhausted as I am when I finish each class, I feel equally great. This is what I'd like to be addicted to rather than junk food. After class I stopped by a couple of stores and picked up a bunch of fruit. I plan on snacking on those until my appetite fully returns.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 16 (04/27/10)

If yesterday started off on a peak, today began in the valley. This was the first time in a long time that I really considered staying in bed. My alarm had gone off, and I really didn't like the song that was playing. I had to skip about 4 or 5 songs until I got to one that motivated me to get out of bed. I got up and took care of my morning ablutions, and I used this time to return a call to my brother. Oddly enough he was taking care of his ablutions as well. My morning started to turn around a little when I weighed in at 302.4 lbs. I figure I'll be below 300 lbs by Friday. I'm thinking that I should set my goals for every 20 lbs, but it may be more encouraging to go 10 lbs at a time. We'll worry about that later. I'm still working on breaking under 300 lbs.

I was still pretty groggy when I got to the gym this morning. I was a couple of minutes early, but I was so slow at getting ready, I actually missed the first couple of rounds of jump rope. When we did the bag work today, I really wasn't giving it my all. Even with this conservation, I ran out of steam really fast. At one point we had to do pull-ups. If you remember a few sentences back, I said I weigh 302 lbs. Pull-ups aren't exactly on my list of things that I do well. Chris said to just try and hang from the top for as long as I could. I think my best hang time was almost 3 nanoseconds. I tried several times to no avail. We finished the class by doing 4 sets of 50 reps of ab/back exercises. I had some problems doing that because I think I pulled some muscles trying to do the pull-ups. My left tricep and the muscle on the left side and back part of my ribs -- I'm not sure what they're called, but they hurt like the dickens when I was doing my ab exercises. They feel a little better now, but I'm afraid they are going to hurt badly tomorrow morning. As long as it's just soreness and not a major injury, then I'll be able to work through it. A little Tiger Balm and I'll be good to go.

Before I go for today, I want to talk about a curious phenomenon that I experienced yesterday. I took my normal fitness class and a Jiu-Jitsu class yesterday. When I got home, oddly enough I wasn't hungry. I didn't eat breakfast until about 1 p.m. I wasn't even hungry when I ate; I just ate so that I wouldn't get hungry at an inopportune time. I didn't snack on anything all day, and then when I had lunch at work at 7 p.m., I wasn't hungry then either. I forced down some food because I had to eat something. It's now about noon, and I'm about to eat breakfast. I'm a little hungrier than I was yesterday, but I'm still not as hungry as I think I should be. I'll probably have to do some research (yeah Google) and see what's going on here. I'm a little concerned. I'm sure I'll be fine though.

Today's inspiration: Eminem - Lose Yourself.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 15 (04/26/10)

Today was the kind of day I needed. After missing my weigh in yesterday I was afraid to weigh myself today. I didn't have a particularly bad weekend, but it wasn't the greatest. There was some fast food and some boozing going on, and I was expecting the worst this morning. Well to my surprise I was down to 304.6 lbs. I'm definitely on track to break the glass floor of 300 lbs this week. Once I get below that, I'm staying below it.

I made it to class on time, and there were only a couple of other people there today. I prefer a smaller class for some reason. Maybe I'm just selfish. Chris gave us a pretty good workout today, and by the end of class I was tired and sweaty as usual. While I was doing my post workout stretch, Marcio Laselva invited me to take his Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class again. My first instinct was to respectfully decline. I was really tired from Chris' class, but I really wanted to try Jiu-Jitsu. Against my better judgment, I respectfully accepted. I've sort of tried this class once before, but it was so long ago that I really don't count it. I only spent about 15 minutes in the class the first time around, but this time I intended to take the whole class. There was another guy who was trying it for the first time too, and Marcio teamed me up with him. We were going to practice armbars. Anyone who knows anything about Jiu-Jitsu knows that the armbar is a staple of this particular art of fighting, and it's a great submission hold. I was really excited to learn how to do it, and I was surprised to see how calculated the whole process was. I should have known better, but the guys on tv make it look so fast and easy. It took me a little while to get the moves down -- mostly because of my weight. My heft impeded some of my movements, and I was trying not to hurt the other guy. He wasn't putting forth the same effort for me. He didn't hurt me, but he wasn't going slow enough to ensure not hurting me. When I approach any class at my gym, I do it with ultimate humility. I'm there to learn and to lose weight. This new guy thought he knew some stuff, and said that if I wasn't so heavy, he'd be able to get out of my hold. Part of me wanted to teach him a lesson, but I knew it wasn't my place. I'm not skilled in this martial art, and so I just kept my cool. Luckily Marcio overheard this and called over another student. The guy he called over is only 130 lbs. He's much smaller than the guy I was practicing with. Marcio told the smaller guy to put the new guy in an armbar, and guess what? The new guy couldn't get out of it. He tried several times to escape, but each time he had to tap out. I was satisfied that he had learned his lesson. He and I went back to practicing, and guess what? The idiot didn't learn his lesson. Marcio let us practice for a little while longer, and then we watched the other guys roll for the last half of class. Despite having to deal with an overzealous newbie, I really enjoyed the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class. I would like to continue taking the class, but I still can't afford it at this time. I'm still waiting for that sponsor to come through.

All in all, I'm feeling really great right now. I'm excited at the major possibility of getting below 300 lbs this week. I had a good morning of exercise. The only thing that can kill my buzz is work. I have a couple of hours til then, so I need to try and squeeze in a little meditation and breakfast.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 14 (04/25/10)

I forgot to weigh myself today, and anything taken during the day would be too inaccurate to count. I woke up really late today because I didn't crawl into bed until about 6a.m. Woke up and barely got ready for church. Let's just say today has seemed like a very long day, and my workout definitely suffered from that. I almost didn't have a workout today, but I can't throw this away so soon. I got some much needed inspiration last night, and I'll be more committed to this challenge than before.

Just like last Sunday, today's workout was pretty light. I did a mix of 200 ab exercises and 100 push-ups along with warm-up and cool down stretches. I didn't exactly get to reflect on my bad diet habits like I had planned to, but I did decide something just now. I remember that meditation had helped me way back in the beginning when I first started losing weight. I think I'll incorporate my meditation practice into this whole training regimen. It's been awhile, but I think it will do me some good.

For anyone who might need some inspiration of their own, here is one of my all time favorite movie scenes. If the music and imagery doesn't inspire you to try harder, I don't know what will. Check out this movie scene.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 13 (04/24/10)

Today makes the devil's dozen of days I've been working out. All that hard work adds up to 306.8 lbs. How is this possible? Come on everyone, you know what's going on. All the hard work I'm putting in at the gym is being sabotaged by my poor eating habits. I made a promise earlier this week not to eat fast food for the rest of the week. Guess what? That's right, folks, I lied. Not maliciously mind you; it's a weakness I'm working through right now. I see what it's doing to me, and I don't like it. I hit up Subway yesterday because I was too tired and lazy to make my own lunch, and then I stopped by Burger King after work. I was going to give y'all a line of b.s. about how I didn't eat until after midnight so technically the week was over and the weekend had begun, but I won't insult your intelligence. I broke my promise...plain and simple. The worst part of it was that I wasn't even that hungry last night when I went to Burger King. I was hungry, but I ordered the amount I usually get when I'm really hungry. This challenge is forcing me to take a closer look at my bad habits, and now I can see that it's not necessarily a physical need as much as a psychological one. If I can identify the source of this desire, maybe I can conquer it. This will require further study, and I'll report back all my non-scientific findings.

I went to bed last night with my window open because it felt so good outside, and I wanted to save a little dough on my electric bill. I woke up this morning to the sound of chirping birds. Sounds like a beautiful awakening, right? Normally it probably would be, but the birds wake up about an hour and a half before I normally do. I ignored them for as long as I could, but I couldn't take it. I closed my window, relieved my bladder, and tried to go back to sleep. No luck. I finally acquiesced and got out of bed and stayed up. Despite this early rising, I was late to the gym today, and Chris busted my chops a little about it. He was happy that I had made it everyday for the past 2 weeks, and he asked me if I was going to be there on Monday too (the gym is closed on Sundays). I told him I'd be there, and he told me not to fuck it up. He said once I started seeing results it would motivate me to keep working hard, and I told him my biggest problem was still my diet. He's doing all he can to help me, but my diet isn't his responsibility. It probably didn't help that I got a western burger combo from Spangles right after working out. I was thinking of getting 2 burgers, but after last night I really had to explore the difference between what I wanted and what I needed. Not that I needed a burger at all, but I knew that 1 was enough to fill me up, and eating 2 was just being gluttonous.

I have a lot to do this weekend, and I should be doing stuff right now. I'm so damn tired though. I'll probably jump in the shower, and take a nap. At least then I can I can tackle this weekend with some renewed vigor.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 12 (04/23/10)

304.4 lbs this morning. I'm not making the progress I'd like, and I think I know why. It's still my diet. It's all my diet. I can't seem to get a handle on it. I think I'll take this weekend to sort it out. The important thing is that I'm still making it to the gym everyday. I can feel it in my body too. I'm not getting stronger; I'm just getting tired. This weekend will be a time to rest and reflect on my diet and exercise.

I don't have much to say today except that I'm really tired. It's a little discouraging, but I'm looking for inspiration wherever I can find it. In fact I'll look for some songs and videos to share with anyone out there who could use some inspiration. Right now I'm reminded of my childhood, and I think Hulk Hogan had the best advice: "Train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins!" Never mind the fact that Hulk Hogan was once on the juice (steroids). I think those 3 things will carry me through most of this challenge. Thanks, Hulkster!

The Fat Man Diaries Day 11 (04/22/10)

305 lbs on the dot this morning. Still going down, but not as fast as I'd like. Today's blog is going to be short because I have a dentist appointment today, and I want to have as much time as possible to flirt with the cute hygienist.

As promised, I went to lunch yesterday with Abbey, and she brought along our friend Melinda as a surprise. I ordered a large meal, but I only ate about half of it. The rest I gave to Abbey. Also, as promised, I didn't have fast food last night. I did find a loophole, and I ate a frozen pizza. I know, I know...it's still cheating. It's my fault for not being better prepared. Last week I cooked most of my food in advance (which I normally do) so I had plenty on hand for when I got hungry. This past weekend I completely wasted, and I didn't cook anything in advance. I've sort of been cooking as I need it, but when I get off of work, the last thing I want to do is fire up the stove. So my new lesson for today is: always be prepared. If I had joined the Boy Scouts, I might have learned that by now.

Today was particularly hard to get up. I went to bed fairly early last night (before 1 a.m.), but I was still tired when I woke up this morning. I think I'm going to have to start incorporating some midday naps into this schedule. When I went to the gym, I wasn't really feeling it today. I performed as best as I could, but I know I'm capable of better. I think I hit some sort of wall today. I'm going to keep working through it, and I'm sure things will get better. I've learned that there are peaks and valleys in life, and things always get worse before they get better. I'm praying that this is the worst of it, but I have a bad feeling that this is just the start of the valley.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 10 (04/21/10)

Got up this morning and weighed 305.6 lbs. Slow and steady wins the race. You know what else helps you win? Not stopping at Burger King every night after work. I was on the phone with my buddy Huy, and he warned me not to go. He tried to help me, and I flat out refused to listen. It's not his fault; I was already pulling into the drive-thru. So thank you, Huy, for your effort. Please don't give up on me because I know I'll conquer this addiction sooner or later. In fact I want to make an announcement. Last night was the last night I'm going to have fast food...for the rest of the week. It will actually be longer than that, but I can at least make it through the rest of the week (or should I say weak?). While I'm talking about cheating on my diet, let me put this out on front street: I'm going to lunch today with my friend Abbey. When she invited me last week I agreed to go only if we could go someplace that had healthy food. When she asked me yesterday where I wanted to go I suggested Carino's. Anyone who knows Carino's knows that it has delicious Italian cuisine, but it's not exactly the place you go when you're trying to lose weight. I'm going to enjoy my lunch with Abbey, and it probably won't suit my diet.

It's like when I used to practice Vipassana meditation. We would sit with our legs crossed for long periods of time while we meditated. Reverend Viet (the abbot of the Buu Mon Buddhist temple in Port Arthur, TX) told us that we would feel pain in certain body parts. He warned us not to concentrate on the pain. He said to just acknowledge the pain, and move on. It was difficult at first, but he was right. You couldn't ignore the pain because you would inevitably start concentrating on it, and then it would begin to hurt more. By acknowledging the pain we accepted that it was there, but we wouldn't let it become the focus of our meditation. Our goal was to calm our minds and relax. Once we accepted that we might have to deal with some pain to reach our goals, it made it easier for us to reach that goal. I draw a similar parallel with what I'm doing here. My goals are to lose weight and get healthy. I acknowledge that I have cheated on my diet (and probably will cheat again in the future), and accept that it has interfered with me reaching my goals. The cheating is not going to become the focus of this challenge. Now that I've accepted that, I will move on and reach my goals.

For those who are curious, I did workout today. Class isn't getting any easier, but I really feel that I'm handling them better since I've been going every day. Not that I am any stronger or anything like that. There have been many times in the past when I'd wake up in time to go to the gym, but then I'd sit around my apartment and do nothing. But since I've been forcing myself to go every day, I feel like it's getting easier to go. Today I could definitely tell that I was slowing down a lot in class, but I was there. I was sweating; my muscles were burning. I felt pretty good actually. It's a class filled mostly with women, but I feel so manly when I finish it. The only sort of regret I had today was when Marcio Laselva invited me to take the Jiu-Jitsu class. I couldn't take it because I'm having lunch with my friend Abbey. Speaking of, I need to jump in the shower because I stink like a beast.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 9 (04/20/10)

I weighed in at 306.4 lbs this morning. I wish I had more water weight to lose. I guess I'm dealing with the real fat now. I cheated again last night. I had some Burger King, and this time it tasted great. That's not good for someone who is trying to resist temptation. There's a taste that some burgers achieve (not all the time) when the mustard and tomato mix just right. I don't know what it does, but it's almost euphoric. That vinegary/tomatoey combination does it for me every time. Because of that I didn't get to bed on time. I started with that sleep deficit, and it was compounded this morning when my brother called me at 7 a.m. If that wasn't enough, my mom, niece, and nephews called me about 15 minutes later. Their intentions were good, but I really wanted my sleep. I couldn't fall back asleep. As hard as I tried, I just tossed and turned until my alarm went off. I was so sluggish this morning that I was a few minutes late to class.

Chris is back, and he gave us all a good workout. I'm surprised that I've been able to keep going to class this much. Normally I get burned out after about 3 days. I guess the constant work is keeping my muscles from allowing the soreness to settle in. Maybe I'll actually be able to keep this up after the 8 weeks are up. I just have to get my diet under control. I've heard that abs are made in the kitchen. I guess flab is made there too.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 8 (04/19/10)

307.4 lbs this morning. That's a sure sign of a bad weekend. I didn't even do any drinking. That's probably for the best. The bright side is that I'm still down from the 312 lbs I started at last week. This is the most I've ever worked out consecutively. So each day I write this will be the most consecutive days I've ever worked out. The most surprising thing for me was how easy it was to wake up this morning. Part of that was because I had to call my cousin this morning, but I haven't been suffering with the debilitating soreness I've felt in the past. Also I try and get to bed around midnight. Like I said before, rest is imperative.

I don't remember if I mentioned it, but Chris was out of town for the weekend. Marcio Laselva covered his class on Saturday and today. It's not any harder or easier, but it is different. There's still lots of sweating and plenty of bag work for me to enjoy. One of the exercises we did today and Saturday was push kicks. That's where you kick with the ball or your foot and try and push your opponent away with it. We practiced on the punching bags, and I noticed a little soreness in my left foot afterward. It's fine now, but I guess that means I need to strengthen that foot more. After class while I was stretching, Marcio asked me if I was going to take the Jiu-Jitsu class. All I could say was, "Oh come on, Marcio." He laughed and left it at that. I wanted to take the BJJ class, but I was out of gas. Plus I was hungry -- no...ravenous. I could've eaten a sunburned cow. Instead I had a sirloin steak and 4 scrambled eggs. It was delicious; it hit the spot. I stink right now, and I really need to hit the shower.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 7 (04/18/10)

Weighed in at 305.2 this morning. This whole weekend was a wash diet wise. I'm sure I'm even heavier than that now. Rest is very important to weight loss. I'm convinced. If you're tired when you wake up, you'll be tired all day. That's how I was today. I went to church this morning and almost passed out during mass. Afterward I stopped by the blood drive that my church was having today. A cute girl named Katie took my blood. I wanted to ask her out or at least flirt a little, but I was too much of a wuss to even try. She did tell me that I couldn't do any heavy lifting for 4 to 6 hours after I gave her my blood. Seeing as this whole thing wrapped up around 12:30, it really put a cramp in my plans. I was going to workout right after church. Now I'd have to wait. Since my gym is closed on Sundays, I was planning on just doing a simple workout of pushups and situps. Now I couldn't because I could cause my arm to start bleeding again. I was hoping to take it a little easy today anyway, but I still have to workout. That's what this whole challenge is about. I could still do situps -- that shouldn't cause blood to squirt out of my arm. Well I didn't even bother to do that. Why? Because I've been tired all day from lack of sleep. I opted for a yoga workout instead. I watched some video from Netflix, and I'm counting that as my light workout for today. In the future it may be good for a warm up of sorts, but I don't think I can count it as a whole workout from now on. It's not easy by any means, but it definitely doesn't leave me sweating and tired when I'm done. I clearly can't be left to my own devices. Whatever progress I made last week was probably all for nothing after the weekend of eating I just had. It's ridiculous. I'm not going to dwell on it, but I am royally pissed off at myself.

I should have done this when I started, but it never crossed my mind. Here are my current measurements along with some ideal measurements.

Measurements (in inches) Mine Ideal
Chest 51.5 45.5
Forearm 12.25 13.2
Waist 58.5 31.9
Thigh 25 24.1
Hip 45.5 38.7
Calf 17 15.5
Biceps 15.75 16.4
Neck 18.25 16.8

The Fat Man Diaries Day 6 (04/17/10)

Let me just get everything out in the open. I cheated on my diet again last night, and I cheated today. The truth is, I'll probably be cheating quite often. I don't want to. I don't like doing it, but my willpower is weak. That's why I weighed in at 304.2 lbs. I'm still down for the week, but It could be better. It should be better. I know I can do this because I've done something similar before. On January 1st, 2006 I quit drinking sodas. I remember because that was the same year that Howard Stern first broadcast his show on Sirius Satellite Radio. As remarkable as it was for me to completely quit drinking sodas, it wasn't easy. That was my third attempt at quitting. The previous 2 tries were noble efforts, but they ultimately failed for one reason or another. I would be on the wagon (so to speak), and that little bit of temptation would creep in. Before I knew it I was on a bender. Big Red soda and Dr. Pepper were my 2 weaknesses. I loved making ice cream floats with Big Red. There was something so delicious and inviting about it. I still get the cravings from time to time, but I know how hard it was for me to finally quit. I don't want to throw that all away. Sometimes I'll catch that bubbly sweet smell of Dr. Pepper and I'll think, "I'll just have a little taste," or, "1 Dr. Pepper isn't going to kill you." That's probably true, but I don't want to take the risk of being a slave to sodas again. It was quite and accomplishment for me when I finally kicked that habit. Between that and moderate exercise, I was able to lose about 15 to 20 lbs.

Here's the difference with fast food. When I get thirsty I can easily grab some water instead of a soda. It's already there. But with food, it's not quite that easy. I know I could get a salad or some "healthy" alternative to a burger at a fast food restaurant, but what's the point. When I bite into that juicy, cheesy burger, something happens to me. Some kind of euphoria. I can't explain it, but I have great pleasure in eating tasty food. I really sound like an addict. Maybe people can become food addicts. I heard a news story on The Howard Stern show about how people are addicted to certain kinds of food. At first I thought it was b.s., but as they continued to talk about it, it started to make sense. They compared fatty foods to cocaine addiction. Here's the article if you'd like to read more about it.

Enough of my excuses. I worked out today, and I worked hard. My thighs kept feeling like they were going to cramp up on me. My shoulders are killing me. I could really use a massage. On top of all that, I bruised the heck out of my left shin kicking the bag today. I guess it's better than a black eye. Despite all my aches and pains I actually feel pretty good. Yeah I'm sore as hell, but I feel like I'm making progress. I know I'll be setback this weekend by bad eating, but I'll make more progress next week. I'll say that in less than 2 weeks I'll be under the 300 lb mark. That will really spark my motivation. To see a 2 as the first number in my weight will actually make me happy. Now if I could only make those last 2 be as low. My big concern through this challenge is figuring out what to do on Sundays. My gym is closed on Sundays so I can't go there to workout. It's good in a way because it forces me to be more responsible for my own exercise and weight loss. I'll probably do something light because I'm so damn tired. If the weather is good enough, I might even hit the pool. I can't swim very well (at all), but I can get a pretty decent workout in the pool. If not that, I'll probably go for a jog. I'll find something. Wish me luck because I really need it.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 5 (04/16/10)

All apologies for today's blog because it's going to be short. I weighed in this morning at 303.4 lbs. I know I went up just a little. Well there are 2 good reasons for that. First, I didn't drop a duker at all yesterday. I was a little concerned, but I took care of that this morning during my ablutions. Second, I cheated on my diet last night. I was listening to and episode of The Howard Stern show last night, and they were talking about fast food. The night before last I was craving fast food, but I was able to fight off the urge. Last night I was weak. The only good thing about caving in last night was that I didn't really enjoy the food. Plus it really interfered with my sleep. I've been sleeping pretty well all week, but last night I just couldn't get comfortable. If I can remember how this fast food made me feel last night, I should be able to resist any future temptations.

So here I am at day 5. I made it to class 5 days in a row. That's actually not new territory for me. I've done this before, but tomorrow is the big day. That will be the first time I've made it to the gym for 6 days in a row. The bad news is that Chris won't be there tomorrow. I don't know who will be taking over his class tomorrow, but I fear it might be Navarro. He usually concentrates more on the lower body. Last time he subbed for Chris, my legs felt like Jell-o when we were done. I'll just have to deal with all that tomorrow. Today was good class. I pushed pretty hard, and I was sweating like a hog. After class I left and embarrassingly big sweat mark on the mat. It was my giant belly and flabby pecs; it looked like an MRI scan.

That's all for now. I'll catch up more this weekend.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 4 (04/15/10)

It was a little easier waking up this morning. My iHome was blasting The White Stripes - Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground. It was loud enough to wake me up, but the song is so good that you just want to jam out to it. So I let the music play while I did my morning ablutions. I weighed in this morning at 303.2 lbs. Still going in the right direction. I don't want to get to gross here, but normally I evacuate before I go to class. That didn't happen today. I'm a little concerned about that because I don't want my schedule getting off kilter.

I feel like Chris took it a little easy on us today in class. I'm not complaining because I don't know how hard I could have pushed myself today. As usual we warmed up with 6 2-minute rounds of jumping rope. Then we did some bag work. Like I said before, that's still my favorite part. When I say Chris took it easy on us, that's not to say that the class was a piece of cake. Working the punching bags still takes a lot out of you, and if you're not careful, it'll take your breath away. When I'm punching, I can feel the stress it puts on my back and shoulder muscles. They start to burn, and I feel like I'm accomplishing something. You have to be careful how your hand lands on the bag too. There have been a few occasions when my hand landed wrong, and it really hurt my wrists. So after I left I nice little pool of sweat around my punching bag, we did some ab work. I was tired and out of breath when class finished. I was so happy to be done with the workout today. I rolled over on my belly to stretch out, and I heard, "Hey!" I looked up and saw Marcio Navarro (Nuh-va'-ho) -- the kickboxing instructor. He motioned for me to get on the mat with his other students. So I took the kickboxing class today too.

Kickboxing was fun and interesting. I realize that I'm completely uncoordinated, and I'd lose very quickly if I ever got into a fight. That being said, I can see that it uses different muscles than I'm used to using, and it uses the other muscles in a different way. I have a lot of work to do before I can really go toe to toe with those guys. My balance is terrible, my coordination is way off, and I'm not blocking correctly. I can't afford to take the class right now because of all my other bills, but I'd really love to. Jiu-Jitsu is another class I'm really interested in taking, but the whole money situation doesn't make that feasible at the moment either. If there are any sponsors out there who would like to change this, just give me a holler. We'll try and work something out.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 3 (04/14/10)

Whoooo, this is getting harder. Before I get into that, I want to apologize for the shortness of yesterday's post. I had an eye exam that took time away from this blog. So I'll try to get more in depth with today's post.

So here I am -- Day 3. I'm still alive so that's good. I woke up this morning and weighed 305.4 lbs. I guess the water weight is gone, and now the real work begins for my weight loss. I remember the first time I got on the scale and it was 299 and some change. I was so excited to finally be below the 300 mark. I swore I'd never be 300 again. But here I am dealing with another broken promise to myself. I know I can do this because I've done it before. I just have to be patient and stay the course. It's not easy with all these temptations around me. Oscar Wilde put it best when he said, "I can resist anything but temptation." That's how I felt during my rough patch when I gained most of this weight back. Hmm..."weight back,"...sounds a little to close to "wetback." This Mexican ain't no wetback, but lately I have been a sweatback.

For most people 3 days of working out in a row is no big deal. It used to not be a big deal for me either, but today I woke up with some soreness. I've had worse, but nothing makes you feel like an old man more than when you have to grunt to get out of bed. I need to change my whole mentality. If I don't act like an old man, maybe I won't feel like an old man. If you lead the body, the mind will follow. If you lead the mind, the body will follow. So I need to change the way I think and act. Instead of dreading my morning workout class, I should start looking forward to them. Instead of thinking I'm on a diet, I should accept that this is going to become my way of life. My eating regimen doesn't end at the end of this 8 week challenge; it will become a normal diet. That's not to say that I'll never be able to have all those great tasting foods that are just terrible for you. I'll just have to have them in moderation. What about alcohol? That shouldn't be a problem for me either. It's fun to unwind with your friends from time to time, but I've given that up before, and I know I can do that again. In fact, that's easier for me to give up than the bad food. The fact is I've abused food far more than I've abused alcohol, and now I have to make up for that abuse. This is my punishment...my penance.

Chris had us doing some pretty intense things in class today. Some of it was actually pretty fun, but man did I sweat. There was a point when I was beating up a punching bag on the ground, and the sweat was just pouring off my face. I love the bag work we do in class. I don't have the heavy handed punch you would expect from a guy my size, but I still enjoy hitting the bags. I consider it a combination of anger management and stress relief. It makes my shoulders and back burn. It makes me gasp for air. It makes me sweat. I love it.

I work out at a gym that trains actual fighters. It's intimidating and inspiring all at the same time. I see these disciplined guys come in all the time and train hard. Then I look at my fatass and wonder, "What the hell am I doing here?" I'm trying to be like them. None of them got to where they are without hard work and discipline. That's almost the exact opposite of my old mantra of, "Do just enough to get by." I've met a lot of the instructors and fighters, and none of them have a discouraging word to say. I'll even go out on a limb and say the fighters are some of the nicest guys I've ever met. They all know how hard it is to stay fit, and they want everyone there to succeed. I'm lucky to be in an environment like that. If I fail, it's all my fault. Everyone at Laselva MMA is doing what they can to help me succeed. It's up to me to reach my goals.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 2 (04/13/10)

Day 2 of this epic endeavor. I woke up and made it to class on time today. I'm already beating the odds, but no one threw a parade for me (I feel I deserve it). The class is mostly cardio, and it makes you sweat like a freaking hog. I guess that's why I weighed 306.6 lbs this morning when I woke up. 5 lb weight loss in one day? It's obviously water weight. I don't care; I'll take it.

I should probably discuss my diet here too. I'll be using principles from the Men's Health TNT diet. It starts off as a high protein, low carb diet for now. Eventually it will even itself out with some healthy carbs. I've done this diet before, and it was very effective. But then I hit that rough patch and threw everything to the wayside, and here I am 50 plus lbs heavier. The best part of this diet is that you can start off with lots of meat, fat, cheese, and pretty much whatever low starch veggies you want. Yesterday's breakfast was a roll of Jimmy Dean Sage sausage mixed with 7 eggs and 5 strips of turkey bacon. Sounds like a lot, huh? Well it was. I had some leftover, and I'll be eating it for breakfast today. For lunch I had some leftover chicken breast with whole wheat spaghetti mixed with sauteed spinach and onions. I know that's a carb, but I didn't want my leftovers to go to waste. During the day I snacked on some raw almonds and later some small pretzels. I know, more carbs! Give me a break. Man cannot live by protein alone. So that was it for yesterday. I came home and got a decent night's sleep. That's also very important for a healthy lifestyle. Get plenty of rest so your body has the energy to perform at its peak ability! And drink lots of water! Now, if someone could please help me off this high horse. I don't know how I got up here, but I'd appreciate some help getting down.

The Fat Man Diaries Day 1 (04/12/10)

I just got back from a week long vacation in Texas. I had a good time seeing my family and friends. As usual with that group of people there was lots of mirth and merriment i.e. food and booze. Now that my vacation is over I have to get back into training. Training for what? I don't know...life. About a year ago I was at my lowest weight since high school. I was about 255 lbs. I know that still sounds like a lot, but for a guy who maxed out at 345 lbs. it was quite an accomplishment. It was all natural too. No surgeries, no supplements (except for protein shakes) -- just diet and exercise. Well somewhere along the line I just let go. It pretty much started with my vacation last year. I went on an eating frenzy, and I never snapped out of it. I ate too much fast food and most of it late at night. Chris, my instructor at Laselva MMA, has been trying to motivate me this whole time. He's been great, but I haven't been keeping up my end. Well today that's changing. He always asks me if I'll be in class, and I always respond with, "I hope so," or, "I'm going to try." "Hopefully" and "try" are words that I have to eliminate from my vocabulary. Master Yoda said it best when he said, "Do or do not. There is no try." I couldn't put it any better. I'm not going to try and make it to class. I'm going to make it to class. I'm not going to hopefully try and lose weight. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to keep the weight off. I'm going to get healthy. I'm going to stay healthy. Whether I like it or not I'm a role model to my nieces, nephews, and little cousins. I need to show them that a healthy lifestyle is the best choice for me and for them. Now that my vacation is over, it's time to get back to work. Today was day 1. I woke up this morning and weighed 312.2 lbs. My goal is to get somewhere -- anywhere -- between 180 and 220 lbs. I'm closer to my heaviest than I am to my goal. I made it to Chris' fitness class today, and I'll be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that, and so on. I have a deal with a friend of mine. 45 days of working out without missing a day. That's the deal I made with her, but my own personal goal is 8 weeks without missing a day. That's 56 days of exercise. I've never made it more that 5 in a row. I'm not going to try and do it. I'm not hoping that I'll reach my goals. Simply put, I'm going to do it...I have to do it.